Theft out of the office refrigerator is a common nuisance for employees everywhere. (Three out of 10 workers have experienced it according to a recent survey reported by the Sun Sentinel.)
But for some people, like this employee of a New York nonprofit whose outraged emails over stolen Kombucha teas were forwarded to Gawker, it's more like catastrophic.
It all started when someone supposedly took this woman's Kombucha tea, a fermented drink of tea, sugar, bacteria and yeast with many purported -- but not scientifically supported -- health benefits.
As far as office offenses go, though, lifting the drink is not exactly the equivalent of stealing a Diet Coke, since bottled Kombucha can cost up to $5 a pop. And yet, everything about the correspondence that ensued suggests there's something else going on in this woman's life that has nothing to do with stolen tea.
"I hope that you do NOT achieve the re-energizing that you sought. And that the bottle exploded on you and your clothes as you opened it," she wrote in her first email about the incident, which was addressed to whomever had "liberated" the drink from the 9th floor fridge.
At this point, the woman could have gone to elaborate lengths to catch the thief in action, like this other office worker did. But instead, after her teas are stolen twice more, she spirals into an e-rage, making heavy use of the caps lock key:
"You know, maybe you could BRING YOUR OWN. They are not inexpensive items, as you must know. And this is now number 3 to go missing. WITH MY NAME ON THE BOTTLE."
The woman then demands $15, the cost of three teas, and starts hurling curse-like words at the thief, saying she wishes that he or she becomes "overrun with probiotics to the extent that you get thrush-mouth from having binged on my Kombucha(s.)"
She also reminds them that she was dubbed the person most likely to "kick someone's ass" by a member of upper management.
The story ends somewhat happily, though, when someone brings the woman a Kombucha tea gift basket of sorts. She gratefully dubs them the Kombucha-fairy. (Whether it's a genuinely nice gesture or a mocking one remain unclear.)
